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  His face showed a pained expression. He looked like he had so much to say, but he didn’t let me know what he was thinking. He just watched me helplessly as I packed my clothes and sat them by the door. I called downstairs and asked for them to bring my car to the front.

  “Camille, please don’t do this,” he whispered.

  “Are you going to give me what I need?” I asked.

  “I can’t right now,” he responded.

  “Then there really isn’t anything left to say.”

  I walked to him and kissed him on the cheek, grabbed my bags and walked to the elevator. My heart sank with each floor, and my walk to the car felt like I was walking the green mile. The life that I saw for myself was getting the electric chair. I climbed in my car, and released the tears that I’d been holding for most of the day.

  I mourned the life that I wanted, but now I would never have.

  #Chapter7

  “I don’t really know what to say.” Camille

  The last month has been complete torture. The only thing that has held me together has been the love of my friends. The first week I didn’t leave my apartment and I was surviving on takeout food and wine. Did you know that you can get some stores to deliver to your door these days? That was right up my alley.

  A ridiculous amount of money showed up in my bank account, and my car note was paid off. I knew that Kyle did it and I was grateful but it all made me feel so damned cheap. I wanted to apply for jobs again but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, and at this point I wouldn’t have to work for a while if I didn’t want to. Not that I would but it seemed like a good though right now.

  The first people that I contacted were my friends and within a week they were in my apartment grabbing my clothes and telling me that I was coming with them. I fought it at first but then I realized that it may be best for me. Hell, at least they cooked and they were on a health kick, so it would keep me from eating so much crap.

  My life felt like it had come full circle. I was back on the West-side of Chicago and I saw a lot of familiar faces because Sandy refused to let me stay in the house all day. We went shopping, got our hair done, nails done, and went to local bars whenever she was off work and at home. I was a crying mess whenever she wasn’t there with me, and then Cynthia would show up and keep me occupied. I wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing. A part of me felt like I needed to cry and another part of me felt like I’d cried enough.

  I missed Kyle so much and my nights were the worst. He always held me so tight at night, and I’d come to find comfort in his embrace. I didn’t realize how much I needed him; I couldn’t even get a good night’s sleep. He’d tried to contact me but I avoided his calls. I took the first few with the hope that he’d changed his mind about us but he was singing the tune. He wanted to be with me and he was asking me to be a patient and wait until the time was right. Whenever that would be.

  I wanted to run back to him but I couldn’t allow myself to do it. I deserved to not be someone’s secret, and if he was going to be with me, then it had to be out in the open. I deserved better then that. My stomach still twisted when I thought of the words that his father said. It was clear that he didn’t respect me and that hurt because it was purely based off of the color of my skin and my background. I didn’t have control over those things but I was actively working to better myself.

  None of that mattered to him though. He was more interested in looking like an “All American,” and that image didn’t include a person like me. The way that his father felt about me hurt, but what hurt the most was that Kyle didn’t take up for me. He was just like his dad, and the bottom line was the most important to him. I understood that they may lose some clientele but they wouldn’t go bankrupt. They would still be filthy rich and they may even get a different customer base because of their level of diversity.

  But I refused to plead my case to the either of them. If they didn’t want me around because they were ashamed of me, then I wasn’t going to fight to stay. I have too much self respect and dignity for that. There is no amount of money that could make me compromise my self-worth. I would have to learn how to live my life without Kyle.

  “Come on Camille, it’s time for us to get out of here,” Sandy said while opening the blinds of the room.

  The sunlight poured into the room and my dark Oasis was a distant memory. I wanted to lash out at her for ruining my solitude but I knew that she was doing it because she loved me. I sighed and sat up in my bed.

  “What do you want to do today?” I asked groggily.

  “Today I want to rearrange my front room furniture so that I can buy a new couch. The one that’s in there is being put out back today. It’s time to upgrade darling,”

  “I hope you don’t think that I’m going to help you move that big ass 1980’s couch to the alley.”

  She smacked her lips, “Shut up, don’t talk about my couch. My granny gave it to me and I’m a little sad but it has to get out of here.”

  I laughed, “Fine, I’ll leave your granny’s couch alone. But you still didn’t answer my question.”

  “Well that’s the thing, I don’t really want to tell you and that’s why I was avoiding the question,” her eyes widened and it was filled with amusement and nervousness.

  “So you think I’m about to risk a hernia trying to help you get that couch out of this house?”

  “Of course not,” she said, “Marcus and his friends are coming to move it,” she said quickly and then covered her face with her hands. She peeked out to see my reaction.

  I flung myself back onto the bed dramatically, “Why would you do that Sandy? You could have called anyone else. Why would you call my ex-boyfriend?”

  “I tried to call around to see who could help me today but no one was available during the day. He was the only one that was willing to come by here and bring people, for free. I need him Camille, I’m sorry. You can stay in the room if you want and you’ll never have to see him.”

  “Does he know that I’m here?” I asked.

  “Everyone knows that you’re here. People have been seeing you out and about with me and Cynthia, so of course it’s already gotten back to Marcus.”

  “I don’t need this drama right now, I’m mad at you.”

  “I know you’re mad at me but hopefully I can make it up to you by taking you to Pink Berry after we find my couch?”

  “Don’t think that you’re getting off that easy skank. You’re going to take me to Pink Berry before we find you a new couch, and then we’re going to Cold Stones after.”

  “Deal,” she said quickly.

  I suddenly thought that I let her off of the hook too easily.

  “When will they be here?”

  “They’ll be here within an hour.”

  I gave her the stare of death and pulled the covers over my head. Sometimes friends sucked. I decided that I didn’t want to be around at all while Marcus was at the house. I rushed to the bathroom to freshen up and make myself presentable to the world. I was going to go to the diner that Cynthia worked at and have breakfast.

  I walked out of the door and Marcus was coming up the stairs. I fought the urge to run past him to my car.

  “Hey Cam,” he said with a crooked smile.

  “Hi Marcus,” I said as I continued down the stairs, “Where are your friends?”

  “They’ll be here in a few minutes.”

  “Oh okay, it was good seeing you,” I said as I walked past him towards my car.

  “So it’s going to be like this between the both of us now?”

  “Like what Marcus?”

  “Like this. Like you not talking to me. I thought that we were friends, we’ve been through too much together to let it all go to hell.”

  “I don’t know how to be your friend anymore. I just don’t think that’s a feasible option for us.”

  “Oooh ‘feasible,’”, he said mocking me.

  “Whatever Marcus, don’t rip on me just because my vocabulary is bigger
than yours.”

  “Hanging out with that white boy has really fucked your head up. Bet you think you are better then all of us now don't you??” he spat.

  “Ah, there we go. The real Marcus is coming out. I changed long before I ever met him actually and so don’t act like he’s the reason that we aren’t together. You made your choice, now go run back to your raggedy low class baby mama.”

  He gave an evil grin, “So white boy didn’t choose you either huh? That’s why you’re here right?”

  I opened my mouth to say something but then closed it. Tears welled up in my eyes and for the first time in a month, I let someone see me cry. Marcus’ words pierced my heart and they hurt like hell.

  “Screw you,” I said and walked to my car.

  “Wait,” he said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me into his embrace. “I’m so sorry; I never should have said that bullshit. I was just trying to hurt you because I miss you so much. I really thought that we would end up getting back together. And honestly, my life sucks without you.”

  I sniffled against his shirt and accepted his comfort. His body enveloped mines and I continued to ball. My body was wracked with tears and I began to shake uncontrollably. All of my emotional hurt and pain washed over me like a tsunami.

  “Whoa, Camille, so what happened with you and him?”

  “He doesn’t want me,” I cried, “Not in the way that I want. He wants to keep me a secret. I gave him an ultimatum and he didn’t choose me. What’s wrong with me? Why am I never good enough?”

  “That’s not true,” he said as he smoothed my hair with his hand, “You’re more than enough. You are what every man wants and needs in his life. You are a diamond baby. What’s fucked up is that men don’t appreciate it until they lose it. But don’t ever say that you’re not good enough.”

  I slowly regained my composure and pulled away. I was reminded of why I loved Marcus. He could be an asshole to the outside world but on the inside he was kind and compassionate. He took great care of me and I didn’t know where I would be without his presence in my life when we were younger.

  “I’m sorry that I didn’t respond to your calls or texts. But I didn’t know how to tell you that I couldn’t be in a relationship with you anymore. What you did hurt me and I can’t recover from that. I can’t be with you and you had a baby with someone else. You also aren’t showing any signs of giving up your lifestyle.”

  “It’s hard for me to admit,” he sighed, “But you’re right. I would hate myself if anything happened to you because of my life. I have a baby and I have to provide for him and this is the only way that I know how. I also know that you don’t want to have to deal with my “raggedy low class baby mama”. I don’t fault you for that.”

  “I’m glad that you understand.”

  “If I could take it back I would. I would have appreciated you a lot more when I had you. I can’t take my choices back but please know that I’m sorry. If you ever wanted to give the two of us another try, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

  “You can’t give me what I want, a life free of drugs and illegal activity.”

  “I would if I could but this is my life. I’ve built it from the ground up and the money is damned good. I have to live.”

  I wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to live that way. I didn’t want to run down the statistics on men that lived their life in the way that he did. In my heart I knew that he would end up in prison or dead within the next ten years. But every person in the drug trade thinks that they’re untouchable and that they won’t end up like all of the men and women before them. I didn’t want to ruin our moment and so I let it go.

  “I understand. Just know that I care about you and that won’t ever change.”

  “That’s good to know,” he said as he kissed me on my cheek.

  I walked to my car, fixed my face, and went to the diner. I could use a good meal at this point, and I wanted a drink too but they didn’t serve alcohol.

  Sometimes a girl can’t have everything.

  ***

  “That’s great,” Cynthia said, “You and Marcus really needed a heart to heart. It was long overdue. Everyone knows that you love each other and so I’m happy that the two of you made up. You will probably never be the best of friends, but there’s no need to hate each other.”

  “I agree. I just can’t believe he made me cry like that. I hate that he still has a hold over me.”

  She laughed, “You’re right about that but then he turned into a big ass softy as soon as he saw your tears. You can be pretty rough too Camille, so I know you said some mean stuff to him too. He was just striking back.”

  “You’re right, I called his baby mama raggedy and low class,” I laughed.

  “See what I mean.”

  “Well the hoe is raggedy and low class. She’s gutter trash and everyone knows it. I don’t know what he was thinking messing around with her.”

  “It seems like men flock to those kinds of chicks and then they want to come back to us after they’ve had their fun.”

  “Exactly, and I’m not going to put up with it. But I wish him and her all the best. I’m sure there will be a lot of broken windows and slashed tires in his future,” I giggled.

  “She slashed the tires on his Audi two month ago and he was super pissed.”

  “Now you see what I mean,” I said in disbelief, “If I was with him, she would be slashing my tires and I would have to kill her. I don’t want to be ghetto but she would bring it out in me and it wouldn’t be pretty.”

  “True and you’re too pretty to act so ugly.”

  I laughed and looked at my phone. I had 4 missed calls and they were all from Sandy. I read her text message.

  To: Camille

  From: Sandy

  Girl get back here as soon as you can. It’s like a circus outside.

  “I have to go,” I told Cynthia.

  “Is everything okay?” She asked.

  “I’m not sure, but I have to see what’s going on at the Sandy’s.”

  “Okay, my break is over anyway but call or text me as soon as you can. Keep me updated on what’s going on. You’re worrying me.”

  “I will,” I said and kissed her on the cheek before I headed out of the door.

  I tried to call Sandy back but she didn’t answer her phone. I drove faster than I normally would to get back to her place and prayed that nothing horrible had happened. What was it now? A rape? A murder? A drive by?

  I had to get my friends out of that shitty neighborhood. We deserved to live a life without fear of getting shot and killed every damned day. I cursed myself for not getting them to move sooner and asked God to take care of everything.

  When I pulled up to her house there were at least 5 reporters with cameras outside of her house. Thankfully, no cops. My stomach dropped because I didn’t see her anywhere. I barely parked my car, pulled my keys out, and ran past the reporters and up the stairs. I needed to find my friend.

  “Camille! Camille!,” the reporters yelled.

  How in the hell did they know my name? I turned to them.

  “How does it feel to be the love interest of a billionaire?” One of them yelled.

  Cameras flashed and I couldn’t tame my stunned expression. What in the hell was going on? I used my key and entered the house.

  “Thank God you’re here!” Sandy exclaimed, “They’ve been out there for a half hour.”

  Relief flooded my body when I saw that my friend was alive and well.

  “What is happening?”

  She gave a grin, “You have a visitor.”

  I looked behind her and Kyle was sitting on a chair in the corner. My throat went dry and I was speechless.

  “Hi Camille,” he said as he stood up.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I came to talk to you.”

  “How did you find me here?”

  “It is always easy to find someone when you have my resources...”

  “What in the
hell are all of those cameras doing outside? I was thinking that something happened to my friend.”

  “I’m sorry about that,” he said, “But I wanted to let you know just how serious I am about you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I just want to say that I’m sorry for being such a damned coward. I did stick up for us with my father but I folded under all of the pressure. I shouldn’t have done that. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me and I let money and the potential loss of power get in the way of us being together. I’ve realized that none of that matters if I can’t have you.”

  “I need for you to spell it out for me, I don’t want to get my hopes up and you’re just asking me to wait some more.”

  “Geesh Camille, I have the media outside,” he laughed, “It doesn’t get any more public than that.”

  “You have a point,” I smiled.

  Was this situation real? Everything was happening so fast. Over an hour ago I was crying in Marcus’ arms about how Kyle didn’t want me and now he was here and willing to give me what I wanted.

  “I don’t really know what to say,” I admitted.

  “Say yes,” he said with a whisper as he got down on one knee and presented a ring to me. Not just any ring but a huge ring that looked vintage. My eyes widened when I saw it.

  “It was my great grandmother’s, and my grandmother gave it to me. She told me to give it to the woman that I planned on spending the rest of my life with. This won’t be easy Camille. Some people won’t like that we’re together and we’ll have some obstacles, but I’m willing to do it for you. I can promise that I won’t allow anyone to disrespect you and that I’ll always stand up for our love.”

  “If you don’t say yes girl, I’m going to marry him,” Sandy mumbled.

  “Hush,” I said in her direction.

  “Yes kyle. Of course, I would love to marry you.” Tears began pouring down my face for the second time today, this time for a good reason.